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Why We Shouldn’t Compare Our Children With Others

Tuesday, May 30, 2017-Goh Kai En


It’s a common mistake made because we always want the best for our children and admit it or not, we parents are all guilty of it. Subsequently, it doesn’t mean that comparing them to others would somehow ‘motivate’ and ‘push’ them to improve. But remember, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, right?


Photo: Our child is ours, not another's.

1. Children’s self-esteem will be affected


Whenever we tell our children whatever they’re doing is not good enough and comparing them to someone else, be it siblings, friends or strangers, we are basically pulling down their self-esteem, making them feel insecure, lack of confidence, and self-doubt. Instead, opt for a more optimistic way to encourage children so that they feel capable, effective, and accepted.


2. Every child is different


As evident as it may sound, parents as well as teachers tend to forget that children develop at their own pace, in their own way. Instead of shaming children, why not praise and encourage them to try their best in things they do. Ultimately, this is for the betterment of self and it is entirely okay to fail and make mistakes because after all, we’re only humans.


3. There should be a balance in educating children


Smacking or time outs, shaming or praising, constraining or giving liberty? It doesn’t really matter how you’re bringing your children up, because everyone has different parenting styles and preferrables. As long as you’re creating a strong balance by taking parenting styles from the best of both worlds — Asian and Western parenting.


4. Embrace your child’s skills and talents


If your child continuously fails at something he does, it’s time you realise and acknowledge that this is not his forte. Instead of putting more pressure until he succeeds — may or may not, it is good to help him discover his passion and what he truly enjoys. In return, your child would look up to you as an accountable role model and appreciate you for it. Truth be told, it will be a long, winding, and exhausting journey. However, that is what all parents wish for, right? — to give the best for our children.


5. We are subconsciously feeding the thought of superiority of western culture


Majority of the time, we always speak highly of the ang mohs. They are much more creative, wiser, mature, friendlier, and just all the compliments you can give. This will affect your children by having the mindset of whatever they do, they will not be good enough just because they are not born and raised in a Western family. Hence, a child’s self esteem and the decisions made will be affected.


At the end of the day, "we must return optimism to our parenting. To focus on the joys, not the hassles; the love, not the disappointments; the common sense, not the complexities." – Fred G. GosmanRead. 

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